If you aren’t aware of what a MultiLevel Marketing company is yet, it’s basically a pyramid scheme + direct selling. Pyramid schemes are illegal, so the workaround is that they have people sell products in addition to pyramid scheming. The products are usually heavily overpriced and sometimes defective.
A pyramid scheme is when the only way you can make money is recruiting other people to join you. The only people who get rich are the people at the top of the pyramid.
These companies waste a lot of people’s time and energy and prey on people who are dreaming to get out of the 9 to 5 cycle or yearning to start their own business.
So I started emailing their top level executives memes I made of them and signing my name as Jackie Jones, Press Relations for Coloradoan Times.
I started with the VP of Corporate Affairs at Herbalife:
And he responded right away:
Not everyone responded but they probably saw the memes I sent to them anyway:
Some companies might have wondered who the rat is:
Other companies confirmed that their CEO definitely read the meme:
Monat is a hair and skin MLM that’s products have been known to cause baldness. They responded with their lawyers:
Anonymous asked: Hey there! I’m curious about your opinion on messianic Jewish stuff. I have very little understanding of what it is, but since I’m coming from an ex Christian background and looking into my Jewish heritage (family buried it, so it’s new to me) I’m curious what it’s all about. Do you have any thoughts or opinions or recommended reading on it? Either way, cool blog! Thanks
[End ID]
Hi anon, thanks for asking! This happens to be the topic I have the MOST opinions about.
⚠️Long PostWarning⚠️
This is going to be a veritable FORTRESS of text, because I’ve been meaning to make a master post to address this topic for a while - exposing this movement for what it is, and pointing people towards authentic Judaism.
There will be no TL;DR. There will be no read more break. Enjoy the ride.
Introduction
First of all, if you’re looking for ways to get in touch with Judaism, I would first and foremost that you contact a Jewish Rabbi. (NOT Messianic.) If you can’t visit in person, you can call, email, or zoom, and they will give you resources and advice. Many Jewish services are being streamed online right now. Many classes on Judaism Judaism for adults are available through synagogues and JCCs. I will also share some resource links for authentic Judaism at the end of this post.
My background in a nutshell - one of my grandfathers was Jewish but not practicing, my mom wanted to raise us to honor her Jewish heritage AND her Christian religion, so I actually grew up in the Messianic movement. I also grew up in Christian private schools. I have since left the movement, renounced Christianity, and embraced my Jewish identity through education and conversion. I have worked part time as a Jewish educator for seven years now, and am an active member of my Jewish community. I identify most with the Conservative movement, and I lead a semi-observant life in a pluralistic community.
All that is to say, I have a lot of personal experience with the Messianic movement, and have experienced and studied it from three perspectives in my life: the Xian perspective, the inside perspective, and the Jewish perspective. Certainly there’s a lot of personal trauma, but more to the point, a LOT of experience and education. I will be including a LOT of resources at the end, but I might not be citing things throughout the post - not because I couldn’t, but because to do so I would have to link you to the official sites for many Messianic organizations, and I don’t want to do that.
What is the Messianic Movement? Is it Jewish?
The Messianic movement is not Judaism. It is a harmful and dishonest perversion of Jewish culture, designed to spread Christian theology and convert Jews. It is not theologically sound from a Jewish OR Christian perspective. It is a problematic movement, full of cultural appropriation, racism, antisemitism, and harmful philosemitism. In many cases, Messianic congregations are harmful, destructive cults, or high control religions. The Messianic movement is literally designed to trap and ensnare Jews who aren’t fulfilled or knowledgeable in their Judaism.
You should avoid any Messianic organizations, websites, or resources. Keywords to avoid: Messianic, BHI or Black Hebrew Israelite, Hebrew Christian, Hebrew Roots Movement, Yeshua etc. (Hebrew Israelites and Hebrew Christians/Roots are related movements, each with different cultures, but they all share similar theological and cultural problems.)
Obviously not everyone in the movement is aware of the problems or the true origins and motivations of this movement. Plenty of them are truth seekers, towing the party line. But we aren’t here to talk about the lies or the deceived, we are here to get to the truth.
Why does the Messianic movement target Jews specifically?
The “Great Commission” of Xianity is to “make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:16-20) Have Jews been singled out for a targeted conversion effort, or is this merely a way for people of Jewish heritage to form an ethnic church, no different than say, a Salvadorian, Chinese, or Korean Church? While the Messianic movement would prefer you believe the latter, the former is actually a more truthful answer. (This is evidenced by the fact that major Messianic organizations draw huge amounts of funding from the Evangelical Xian Church, especially Pentecostal and Southern Baptist, which are the roots of the movement.) Basically, the answer is that Xian eschatology (theology of the end times) has certain requirements.
Before Messiah can “come again,” all Jews, including the lost ten tribes of the northern kingdom, must return to Israel (Revelation 7:1-8), a third Temple must be built (Revelation 11:1-2), a great and terrible war must take place in that region (Revelation 6), leading to the rapture or death (take your theological pick) of 144,000 Jews (Revelation 7:9). This is based on “prophecy” in the book of Revelation. Further prophecy in the book of Matthew (Jesus’s own words) state that he “will not come again until all Israel says ‘blessed is he who comes on the name of the Lord.’” (Matthew 23:39) Xians understand this to mean “Jesus will not come back until all Jews are converted to Xianity.” Paul (“Rabbi Shaul”) also reminds the Church that the word of G-d was given “to the Jew first, and also to the gentile.” (Romans 1:16)
Obviously, this makes Jews a prime target for conversions. In no uncertain terms, Evangelicals and other biblical literalists believe that all Jewish religion must be erased and replaced with Christianity (cultural genocide). They are seeking that all Jews literally live in Eretz Israel, in order for a bloody war to claim hundreds of thousands of lives, in order to bring about the end of the world.
When did this movement start?
The Messianic movement prefers to shroud the timeline of its origins in misinformation, because this helps them obscure the reason for their own existence. Their narrative is that they are a continuation of the early Church in Jerusalem, under the Apostle James (or “Yaakov HaTalmid”). While it is true that the VERY early Church was a sect of Judaism, they had rejected Judaism, Torah observance, and Jewish practice within 50 years of Jesus’s supposed death. (Jewish Virtual Library) The early Church actively distanced itself from Judaism, using ecumenical councils to change scripture, insert Xian and Greek theology, move away from the Jewish calendar, and perpetuate antisemitism. (Jewish Virtual Library) The movement traces their resurgence in the modern era to the early 1900′s, by saying that their oldest organization was founded in 1924. This is also intentionally misleading: the American Board of Missions to the Jews was originally exactly what it sounds like, a Xian group aiming targeted proselytizing at a specific population, just like missionary groups who target Burmese people or Korean people. They would not become recognizably “Messianic” in mission and culture until 1984, when they re-branded as Chosen People Ministries. Similarly, the 1915 Hebrew Christian Alliance of America became the Messianic Jewish Alliance of America in 1975. The Union of Messianic Jewish Congregations was founded in 1979. Jews for Jesus, which has (somewhat wrongly) become culturally synonymous with the movement as a whole, is a splinter organization which broke off from ABMJ/CPM in 1973, after internal friction beginning in 1970. (I say somewhat wrongly because the mission of Jews for Jesus actually differs slightly from the rest of the Messianic movement, and even many Messianics resent being identified with J4J, who seek to use Jewish practice as bait for conversion, and then assimilate newly Christian Jews into gentile led, culturally Xian, Sunday morning churches.)
So, why then? Why the shift in 70’s and 80’s?
A couple of reasons. The year 2000 was approaching, and many, MANY people believed that year would bring the coming of Jesus. Additionally, in the end of the last decade, 1967 brought the Six Day War and saw all of Jerusalem, including the Old City and the Temple Mount, under the control of the State of Israel. It seemed like the time was ripe for the rebuilding of the Temple, and the fulfillment of Xian Messianic prophecy.
The pressure was on to fulfill prophecy about Jewish conversion, and Jews are stubborn. Because of our own religion, and because of the history of antisemitism from the Xian Church specifically, Jews are highly resistant to missionaries. Lots of cultures, even if they don’t believe in Jesus, view him as a prophet, a wise man, a force for good. For Jews, Christianity is heresy, and Jesus is a figure in who’s name more Jews have been killed than any other.
So, Evangelicals needed to decide what to do about this. In 1974, Evangelicals held the first global Lausanne Conference on World Evangelism, where all these ideas were discussed. That led to a follow up in 1980, the global Lausanne Conference on Jewish Evangelism.
This targeted focus on Jewish evangelism and end times prophecy collided with two other movements of the 1970′s: the Jesus Movement and the Hebrew Roots Movement.
The Jesus Movement was a kind of “revival” in the Protestant Church. By “revival,” I mean a return to Biblical literalism, backwards conservative values, counter-culturalism, and radical fundamentalism. Most of what you think of as “Evangelical” culture rose from this movement, everything from contemporary Xian music to the Xian political Right. This was partly spurred by push-back response to liberalism and the Civil Rights movement, but partly spurred by people looking for meaning in religion after the new ideas and cultural shifts of the 60’s.
The Hebrew Roots Movement is closely related to the Messianic Movement and the Jesus Movement. It’s the inevitable result of reading the Bible literally and completely. Its unavoidable that a majority of the Bible is essentially a (poorly translated and interpreted) copy of the Tanakh, and that the Xian NT cannot be true (or even exist) without the Tanakh being true. Truth-searchers reading the Bible critically were struck with the difference between what they were reading and their own religion, and sought to reconcile that cognitive dissonance. Roughly, they are similar to Messianics, but with even less Jewish practices and theology. They are Xians who love to quote the original Hebrew of the Tanakh, say “Jesus was a Jew,” and host Xian Passover seders. They’re what happens when you take philosemitism and turn it into theology.
Christianity disguised as “Messianic Judaism”
Bam! All those movements, times, and world events collided with organizations who were already targeting Jews for proselytization. The Messianic Movement began to emerge as a distinct movement or denomination for the first time. Suddenly, there were Messianic congregations (“synagogues”), ministers and even the un-ordained decided to call themselves “rabbis,” and longstanding organizations splintered or re-branded, changing their mission statements and modus operandi. Messianic musicians and leaders started to emerge. Conferences were born.
The new mission: to target Jews for conversion by simply removing all obstacles to conversion. Jews had a problem with the name Jesus Christ? Call him Yeshua HaMashiach. Trade in that triggering cross for a Magen David. Move services to Saturday mornings. Buy a Sefer Torah on eBay. Start celebrating Jewish holidays, and call them “the feasts of the LORD.” Do everything possible to remove anything that appears Xian, and replace the term, name, or image with something that sounds Jewish. That was explicitly the point. Convert Jews without them even realizing that they were being converted until they already had one foot in the door.
The problem? Xianity by definition is heretical to Judaism, from the top down. Our idea of what the Messiah is is not at all what Jesus was. Our idea of G-d is not compatible with the Xian idea of G-d. Anything tainted by those heresies cannot ever be Judaism, no matter how cunningly it imitates it. The Messianic movement was founded by gentile Xians and by apostate Jews who had already left the boundaries of Judaism. It did not arise from inside the Jewish community, for the Jewish community, like the liberal denominations of Judaism. It was engineered by the gentile Evangelical Xian community in order to erase Judaism. That’s why I refuse to ever call it “Messianic Judaism,” because it is not Judaism. Even the term “Messianic” is stealing a word and concept from us, honestly. It’s incredibly annoying to not be able to use one of our own words to talk about an aspect of our culture that our ancestors literally invented without unintentionally referencing this destructive movement targeting us for conversion. (And it’s even worse seeing their propaganda all over the internet while you’re just trying to find a hagadah or a new tallit.)
So, who is considered a Messianic “Jew?” Are they Jews at all?
Labels are sticky. But here’s the basic rundown.
You can be Jewish in two ways.
You can be a Jew in the sense of belonging to the Jewish people. We have our own rules about this, but this would definitely include those born and raised Jewish, those who converted to Judaism, and possibly, those of Jewish descent, adopted, etc.
You can also be Jewish in the sense of belonging to the Jewish religion. You can be Jewish as a person without belonging to the Jewish religion, but NOT the other way around. You cannot practice the Jewish religion unless you are part of the Jewish people. It is neither possible nor allowed, though of course you can convert.
If you are a Jewish person, you can be an apostate and leave the Jewish religion. You personally might be a Jew, but your religion CANNOT be called Judaism. ALL Messianic “Jews” who are ethnically Jewish fall into this category. Their own identities aside, they are NOT Jews in the religious sense, not even partly.
It’s also possible to be of Jewish descent but not have the status of being Jewish. This varies by denomination, but it includes patrilinials (half Jews through the father’s side) for the Orthodox, and all half Jews who were not raised exclusively Jewish for the Reform. Messianic patrilinials, who don’t meet the halachic requirements for being Jewish, are neither Jews nor practicing Judaism, even though they may have Jewish family and background.
I don’t have the hard data on this, but from growing up in the movement my whole life, in many different congregations and camps and schools and conferences, I can pretty confidently say that substantially less than half of the movement is either Jewish or of Jewish descent. The majority are gentiles. What? That’s right. Gentiles. Some of them call themselves “Messianic Jews.” Obviously that’s appropriation. Others call themselves “Messianic Gentiles,” “Messianics,” or just “Believers (in Yeshua).” Obviously this varies by region. In Israel, most Messianics (Meshikhim) are Jewish, in the Midwest and Central US, most are not.
Wait, so lots of them aren’t even a little bit Jewish? Then why do they call themselves that?
The Messianic movement does not believe in conversion. That means that if you aren’t born Jewish, there’s nothing you can do. You can’t convert through a mainstream Jewish movement either, because you would be losing your salvation permanently by denying Jesus. But there’s a problem: the Messianic movement very frequently classes Jews above gentiles. For example, many leadership positions are only available to Jews. Jews are given more weight and deference and social clout in lay and clergy settings. The focus is on Jews and Judaism and Jew-y sounding things all the time. So what can the gentiles do? Well, some submit to this unofficial caste system, but plenty don’t, they find a way to lie or cheat. Some sneak into real synagogues and secretly convert. Some take DNA tests, or turn to genealogy, and convince even themselves of the lie that they have always been Jewish. Some just outright lie. Some turn to theology - there are plenty of competing theologies on this topic, but some examples are “all Messianic believers are destined to believe because they are descended from the lost tribes,” or “all people of British/Irish descent are descended from the lost tribes,” or “all believers are grafted in/automatically converted by Jesus,“ “all African-American people are the true Jews,” and on and on. So, many people calling themselves Messianic “Jews” are actually lying to you and themselves to reconcile their own cognitive dissonance and inner identity struggle.
It’s also worth noting here that many leaders in the Messianic movement also lie about their backgrounds. If I had a dollar for every Messianic “rabbi” who was “raised in an Orthodox Jewish household,” I would be a very wealthy man. Most are post Bar Mitzvah Hebrew school dropouts, at BEST. Some even change their names to sound more Jewish for extra clout. (Looking at you, Tuvya Zaretsky.)
I’d like to say here, in case it wasn’t already abundantly clear - NO Messianic “rabbi” is a real Rabbi, ordained by other Rabbis. Some are ordained as Christian preachers/pastors/ministers/reverends and assume the title “rabbi” falsely. Some are not ordained at all, but still adopt the title falsely. The Messianic “rabbi” Mike Pence had speak about the Tree of Life antisemitic mass shooting was actually stripped of his ordination even by the Messianic group who ordained him, and he still uses the title. You cannot call yourself a PhD just because you decide it’s good for business. You cannot get an associate degree from your community college and call it a PhD from Harvard. That’s what these people are doing. It’s wrong, and should be criminal.
No matter what though, someone who is Messianic is NOT part of Judaism, and neither is their religion. They are not a part of our community.
What is the culture and halacha (Jewish practice) of the movement like?
Great question. In brief, bad. Many are not educated about Judaism, because they are literally not Jews. Even those who ARE Jewish are usually not educated about Judaism, because the movement intentionally preys on Jews who are uneducated, isolated, unfulfilled by Judaism, away from a Jewish community, etc. This often leads to a “blind leading the blind” effect, to borrow from the Xian tradition.
The Messianic movement, almost without exception, rejects the Mishna and Gemara(s), which make up the Talmud(s). In short, these are oral Torah and Rabbinic commentary which date back thousands of years (and existed during the time of Jesus, in oral tradition - they would not be 100% solidified and written down for another 600 years). They also reject the entire Rabbinic tradition which followed - no Rambam, no Rashi, no Mishnei Torah, no Shulchan Auruch, no Responsas/Tshuvot, no nothing.
Messianics rant against these as being deceptive, a “man-made religion.” “Rabbinic” is used as an insult in these communities. They fancy themselves as the heirs of “true Judaism,” “Biblical Judaism,” or even “Torah Judaism.” They keep “Torah culture,” ignoring Rabbinic kashrut rules that existed even in the time of Jesus. They sometimes even keep holidays according to an observational calendar, based on the new moons and barley harvest, instead of the mathematical calendar that real Jews use (Rabbinic Jews, anyway, not sure about Beta Israel and Karaite Jews, who are also very much Real Jews™).
That’s what they say, anyway… but it isn’t the truth. The truth is that Messianics actually practice dozens of Jewish rituals which come directly from the Rabbinic tradition. Lighting a Menorah the way they do is from Rabbi Hillel. Kippot are Rabbinic. So are the Passover seders they lead. So is almost ALL of the Judaism they appropriate. It’s all very much double-talk and ignorance. They appropriate Rabbinic Judaism that Jesus would never have ever heard of, defend it by saying that Jesus was Jewish, and then immediately bash and discredit Rabbis and the Talmud, often with a strong smack of antisemitism. It will make your head spin. They’re twisting the knife of cultural appropriation.
Because of this, many Messianics routinely break Jewish ritual law in very offensive ways. They put their tallitot on the ground, or wear them without kippot. They wear fake “tzitzit” clipped onto the belt loops of their jeans. They light candles… on Shabbat morning. They blow the shofar ALL THE TIME, often every week to begin services. Many of them use the sacred unpronounceable name of G-d on a daily basis. All these are horribly offensive to actual Jews, and they’re also just the tip of the iceberg.
Also, they use twisted scriptures and Biblical liberalism to oppress women, LGBTQ people, and the mentally ill. They are young earth six day creationists, anti-science, anti-abortion. They don’t allow gay marriage, or women in leadership. Women must submit to their husbands and fathers. Almost without exception, they vote strictly conservative Republican, no matter what.
All of which is to say,
Gross.
You mentioned other abuses? Cult? What’s that about? Is this really a harmful cult?
Great question, glad you asked. You can read more about this in some of my personal posts linked below, but, the Messianic movement is fraught with problematic beliefs, behaviors, and abuse. Here’s some salient excerpts from other posts I’ve made on this topic.
The movement uses that veneer of Jewish culture to prey on emotionally vulnerable and uneducated Jews. They call their churches “synagogues,” they call their pastors or untrained leaders “Rabbis,” even though they have not been organized as Rabbis. They call Jesus “Yeshua.” Every Xian term has a Hebraicized equivalent for the same of false advertising and luring in victims. They also appropriate Jewish sacred practices like holidays and prayers, as well as sacred objects like tallitot and sifrei Torah.
The Messianic movement combines all the fundamentalism of Evangelical Xianity with all the absolute craziness of Pentecostal Xtianity. Lest you think I’m being sensationalist, or that I’m just talking about the gross and appropriative way the movement steals Israeli folk dance to use as a worship tool, let me tell you that I have had not one, not two, but three exorcisms spontaneously performed on me against my will (which it only later occurred to me were intended to drive out a “demon” of homosexuality). That it was a regular occurence for people to interrupt sermons by giving loud prophecies from the Lord that the congregation was under a judgement, or that the end times were near. That I have heard many a crazy old woman speaking tongues over pews, or even grabbing a microphone to babble at everyone over the loudspeaker. If that wasn’t enough, let me tell you that one of the elders of the congregation I grew up in got in a shouting match publicly with the other elders and the “Rabbi” because, and I quote, God was telling him that he was to take a second wife. This was in front of his own wife, and his 4 teenage and young children. He left the congregation and started his own small home fellowship, in order to fulfill his desire to own another woman sexually and have authority over her. His wife and family went along with it in silence.
This is not a centralized cult or religious movement. It is comprised of many organizations (Chosen People Ministries, Jews for Jesus, MJAA, UMJC, One for Israel, Isaiah 53, etc), as well as small unaffiliated congregations and individuals. It is largely (almost entirely) funded through Evangelical Xian movements, with ties to the Southern Baptist and Pentecostal movements specifically. The fundamental goal of the movement is to present Xianity through a Trojan horse style approach to convert Jews away from Judaism and to Xianity. A targeted attempt to remove the religion and culture of an ethnic group in this way is a form of cultural genocide, sometimes termed ethnocide.
In addition to the systematic evils present in this movement, there are individual and cultural evils as well. Again, this is not an organized or centrally governed organization, so it is difficult to make broad statements or generalizations when beliefs and practices vary from org to org, group to group, and person to person. However, having lived most of my life in the movement, and knowing many others who have as well, I can say the following issues are widespread problems. Racism (especially towards Palestinians), antisemitism, harmful philosemitism, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. These people are trained in recruitment techniques, like “love bombing,” how to find ideal Jewish candidates (those who aren’t too knowledgeable about their Judaism to be easily swayed, and how to avoid divulging what they really are (Christians) until a relationship has been established. They also will turn harshly against someone if their leadership dictates it, and will shun people who leave the movement. While in the movement, how you dress, how you vote, how you have sex, how you reproduce, how you have relationships, how you speak, how you eat, and all aspects of your life are tightly controlled, either through leadership or group peer pressure. You are encouraged to have relationships outside the group or outside Xianity ONLY for the sake of evangelism or proselytizing. Many groups shame divorce and allow marital abuse. My own mother was shunned by our closest friends for divorcing her abusive husband. Outside resources, in particular the mental health community, psychology, and medication, are viewed with scorn and suspicion, and access to these resources is limited. Stepping out of line is met with stern and public discipline. Leaving is also made psychologically traumatic with the threat of hell - renouncing Christ (“Messiah Yeshua”) after accepting him is viewed as an unforgivable sin which WILL ensure eternal damnation, and also, the loss of all the important relationships in your life. Asking questions is discouraged. This is a movement which values obedience.
If you’re reading this and thinking “wow, that sounds like a cult,” that would be because many times, it is. The Messianic movement is not a large, organized, centralized cult, like for example the FLDS or the Church of Scientology, because it isn’t in it’s DNA as a social phenomenon to be one. It grew out of the Jesus movement in the 70′s, and as such, has much more in common with (and actually, significant overlap with) other micro-cult Evangelical fundamentalist groups like the Quiverful movement, the ATI/IBLP homeschooling movement, etc. I knew many friends who were part of those communities as well, and my own family actually attended a Bill Gothard seminar one year. Similar to the Gothard-ite cults, the formula of the Messianic movement is a mix of Biblical literalism, social conservativism, and control over organizations, family units, and what cultural interactions are and are not acceptable. In short, it is a recipe for home grown micro-cults to emerge, disguised within the same community as genuine Xianity. It’s authoritarianism and gnosticism attracts fundamentalists who want to find positions of power in order to abuse in control - in their families, in their communities, and on an international scale. Also like Evangelical fundamentalist cults (because again, it is one), it has pockets of people who are devoted to popular figures, who they obey and follow unquestioningly. These include musicians and community organizers like Paul Wilbur, Joel Chernoff, and Ted Pearce, as well as self appointed preachers and leaders like Michael Rood and Monte Judah. Because of the Biblical literalism and social conservativism so valued in these communities, anti-science figures like Ken Ham or pro-life and pro-right wing Israeli government figures like Jared Kushner are also upheld as praiseworthy leaders, along with missionaries to the Jews in Israel and in the Diaspora. Indeed, many Messianic congregational leaders and “Rabbis” are not able to make a living being supported by their (often small) congregations, and are financed as missionaries on the payroll of organizations like Chosen People Ministries or One for Israel.
Christians LOVE to throw the word “cult” at anyone they disagree with. To Evangelicals, Catholics are a cult, Mormons are a cult, everyone is a cult. Really, cult is a fairly meaningless term. It just means a religious group who all worship the same god in the same way. A more accurate way of expressing the idea most people have in their head with the word cult would be “destructive cult,” or better still, “high control religious groups.”
The truth is that large groups, like the Mormon church, Messianic movement, etc, are not inherently high control religious groups - groups where a strict degree of obedience is expected and failure to meet the demands of the group/group’s leader are met with punishment, and where destructive practices like sleep/food deprivation, physical/verbal/financial abuse, and shunning are used to enforce compliance.
However. A combination of Biblical literalism, certain pieces of orthodox Christian theology, conservative values, and radical adherence to all these, can lead to high context religious groups which APPEAR to be normal, healthy Christian communities. These can be as small as a family unit and as large as a whole church or even a small movement. The Evangelical movement, who LOVES to call other types of Christians cults, has a particular problem with these pockets of high control religion (destructive cults) because they value they exact recipe for them: biblical literalism, orthodox theology, conservative values. They also may use “mind control” or “brain washing” techniques: you can read about some of these in The Failure of Evangelical Mental Health Care. I’ve actually had some of these used against me in the context of conversion therapy.
Examples of the types of group I’m talking about would be the Quiverful movement, ATI/IBLP, some parts of the Messianic movement, some parts of the Hebrew Israelite movement, Christian fundamentalism, Biblical Patriarchy, even Christian homeschooling curricula and private schools and universities. In these cases, they aren’t unified, organized cult movements like JW/Watchtower or Scientology. They’re ideologies which DO fit within the larger framework of Christianity, which are designed to turn small communities and family units into abusive cultic environments.
These systems of high control can traumatize children, especially LGBTQ children. They objectify and personify women from a very young age. They justify and celebrate abuses like conversion therapy, financial abuse, and physical abuse (spanking, beating kids and wives), and even marital rape. They remove access to tools like mental health care through a culture which deliberately stigmatizes and shames any non-Christian therapy or psychology. They create more followers by encouraging reproduction and forbidding access to contraception, and by keeping children totally sheltered from secular influences, often raising kids who are totally un-equiped to handle anything other than the environment they were raised in. Even more sinister, they create cultures where sexual abuse becomes something that is “dealt with” secretly inside communities by covering it up. This breaks laws about mandated reporting, and it allows abusers to keep positions of power in those communities and continue to abuse. This isn’t me just talking shit either - do some google searching about sexual abuse in the ATI/IBLP communities.
Basically, I have no tolerance for Evangelicals pointing fingers and shouting “cult” at other people, when their own movement is filled with the very things they’re accusing others of.
You mentioned harmful philosemitism. Isn’t that just “loving Jews?” What’s wrong with that?
Again, for the sake of my wrist strain, I’m going to give an excerpt of a previous post I made on the subject.
There are lots of reasons to love the Jewish people. We have thousands of years of culture, art, music, dancing, poetry, philosophy, heroes, prophets, and teachers. We are, un-apologetically, very cool.
However, sometimes people say they love the Jewish people, and their reasons feel uncomfortable or offensive to us. If your love of the Jewish people or religion is based in the fact that Jesus was a Jew, trying to get in touch with the “roots” of your faith, fulfilling prophesies by bringing Jews to the land of Israel, claiming to be part of the same special relationship Israel has with God, or worst of all, a desire to convert Jews to Christianity, you’re very likely engaging in problematic philosemitism.
Think about those sexual assault posters that have been circulating this decade. “You shouldn’t violate a woman because she’s someone’s daughter, wife, girlfriend, mother, sister.” The intention is good: don’t violate women. The message is harmful, and based in misguided thinking. We should want to protect women because they are people, human beings, not because they have a relationship to a man. That kind of thinking, at best, erases a women’s independent worth, and at worst, implies she is property.
Similarly, if your only appreciation for Jewish people and culture is through a Christian lens, you are erasing Jewish voices from the conversation by talking over us (because we don’t agree with your religion, so we don’t feel a connection to it), and it feels like you’re saying that our truth, culture, teachings, etc are only important because they relate to (read: are subservient to) yours.
If you are interested in dismantling that kind of problematic approach to Judaism and Jews, I recommend reading Jewish translations and commentary of the Bible (which you will find, differ greatly from how Christians interpret our scriptures), taking an intro to Judaism class, studying some Jewish theology, or exploring Jewish art, music, and contemporary writing. Basically, by learning directly from Jewish voices, instead of filtering us through a religion that has been very harmful to us.
Don’t forget that “Jesus was a Jew” is not an acceptable reason to love Jews.
Also, don’t forget that the reason many Evangelicals love Jews is because they want to convert us all and move us to Israel to die in a holy war, so that their Christ can return.
In addition to EVERYTHING above, don’t forget that the Messianic movement uses their Jewish agenda to make money. Evangelical Xians and their organizations donate movement hand over fist to Jewish causes. Messianic leaders sell their souls, hosting Passover seders for Xian churches for money. This is BIG business. A lot of that money solicited by Messianics and donated by Xians goes towards Israel - two major places it’s going are to build settlements and to convert Israelis. No love of one group (Jews) that leads to the harm of another (Palestinians) is truly love. It’s an agenda.
Resources on Authentic Judaism
Here’s some posts I’ve made on the subject, and some other resources on Tumblr
The #Jumblr tag, where you will find a lot of people with a lot of opinions, many of them good
@ask-jumblr, where you can see or solicit answers from the broader community on Jumblr
@progressivejudaism, a Reform Rabbinical student with an active and informative blog
I would definitely recommend the booksJewish Theology In Our Time and Essential Judaism as resources for the curious seeker as well, and you can find all kinds of Jewish articles, guides, and texts at the following links.
History of the Tanakh and Hebrew,Thread 1,Thread 2 - I’m sure I missed a lot of great and fascinating versions of this post, there were so many, but these are some of my favorite versions. So many amazing Jumblrs added info to this post, the entire notes section is worth a read
Here’s some of what the rest of Jumblr has to say about Messianics. I recommend reading the notes on each of these posts as well, to gain a fuller perspective on the community’s response.
In addition, here’s some resources from elsewhere on the web, from a Jewish perspective. (You can easily find dozens of videos on the problems with Messianics from a Xian perspective, but these all focus on Xian theology as a baseline of truth, and are often antisemitic, so we won’t be doing any of that today.)
Jews for Judaism - “Jews for Judaism strengthens and preserves Jewish identity by responding to religious coercion, promoting critical thinking skills, and providing spiritual guidance and support.”
Outreach Judaism - “ Outreach Judaism is an international organization that responds directly to the issues raised by missionaries and cults, by exploring Judaism in contradistinction to fundamentalist Christianity.”
TeNaK Talk - An online radio show, where the son of a Messianic leader (who has left the movement) hosts Jewish guests to discuss Judaism, Christianity, and the Messianic movement. Rabbi Michael Skobac from Jews for Judaism and Rabbi Tovia Singer from Outreach Judaism are both frequent guests.
To give you a better idea of exactly what I mean when I say “Evangelical micro-cults,” here are first hand video accounts from survivors of such groups. They discuss the organizations they left, the abuses within them, and how these abuses were justified through fundamentalist Xian doctrine.
Video Link- Megan Phelps-Roper, Westburo Baptist Church
In Closing
And that’s a wrap, folks! Hope you’ve learned something, and remember to avoid anything related to the Messianic movement like the plague, because they are one. Thank you and good night!
This is one of the best things I’ve read in a long long time
Content Warnings: Religion, food, symbolic cannibalism, symbolic gore, penis mention, Blasphemy, SO MUCH BLASPHEMY, weapons, war mention. Mind the warnings and your health always comes first. Its a HILARIOUS story, I promise.
As always, all the names have been changed to protect people’s identities. This is a long one, so Press J now if you want to skip it.
When my dad was a young man and still a practicing catholic, he participated in a small church communion that nearly got him and six other people excommunicated.
Father Patrick ran a small church outside of California Polytechnical and tended to be… rather more liberal in his interpretations of scripture than most of the church was, which made him something of a hit with the local students and liberally-inclined populace. Pat went to all manner of civil demonstrations, condemned the shit out of the vietnam war and the politics that lead to it and so on. In January of 1969 a series of incidents lead him to start exploring “nontraditional” means of holding Mass as a means of reaching out to his community and exploring his own faith, which ultimately culminated in the 1969 Easter Mass Incident.
For those of you who weren’t raised catholic, Communion is this ritual where you become one with Jesus by eating a really horrible bland wafer cookie and taking a shot of wine (called hosts), which then *literally* become the flesh and blood of jesus in your mouth, allowing him to become one with you. It’s big McFucking deal, and you have the opportunity to take communion at every mass. All this had to be explained to me second-hand because after this and Dad’s 51 days in the army, Dad decided he wouldn’t inflict religion on any children he might have in the future.
*
“Hey dad,” Six-year old me asked the first time he told me this story after my practicing friends were talking about getting wine at church. “Isn’t that cannibalism?”
“We’re getting to that.” He waved.
*
The First Incident in January when, due to a serious cock-up by the church, all the hosts Father Pat received were moldering and spoiled and probably would have killed someone if he’d actually fed anyone them. But it was the first mass of the year, when a peak number of people came in after vowing to got to church more for new year’s. He couldn’t NOT have communion.
“I’ll bake.” offered Maria, the parish secretary and probably the best baker in the county. “So we have hosts. Jesus will understand.”
Father Patrick, not one to pass up the chance at Maria’s cooking, immediately agreed.
A Host is supposed to be composed solely of unleavened wheat flour and water, which is why they taste terrible. It’s a theological point of some importance relating to Exodus or something but Maria had an important theological counterpoint: Jesus both divine and loves all his children, ergo, Jesus would neither be a nasty bland cracker nor want his children to suffer as such and so instead, she made Mexican wedding cookies.
They were a SPECTACULAR hit. Many praises were heaped upon father patrick for the Much Better Wafers and that they’d be sure to show up next week as long as Maria kept making them. Father Patrick figuring that hey, anything that gets people in the doors is good and really, if it was turning into Jesus once inside the parishioner, did it really matter what the wafers were made of? So he continued to let Maria bake the Hosts, and encouraged her to try out new flavors, like nutmeg and cinnamon.
This went on swimmingly for a few weeks until The Bishop showed up for a surprise visit the same week Maria decided to experiment with rainbow sprinkles.
Dad remembers hearing the bishop through the windows roaring “THE HOLY BODY OF CHRIST DOES! NOT! CONTAIN! RAINBOW! SPRINKLES!”
The matter went clean up to The Archbishop, who decided that while Pat was probably right to not feed spoiled hosts to his parish, he should attend some remedial classes to remember what Communion was all about, so that if it happened again, he’s come up with a more suitable substitute.
Father Patrick returned in late March, full of spite and some fascinating new ideas.
*
“Is this where the Cannibalism happens?” Six-year-old me asked, eager to get to the good parts.
*
At his remedial classes, the teacher had stressed the importance of transubstantiation, aka “That bit where the wafer and wine, Actually, Literally, become the flesh of Jesus Christ and we expect you to swallow.” Also on the syllabus was understanding the importance of Christ’s suffering and sacrifice.
“So, I was thinking about Easter Service.” Said father Patrick one afternoon while dad was doing his computer science homework at the church because his dorm was a barely-standing fire hazard and the library was where you went to have sex.
“Well, we do re-enactments for christmas. Why not on easter? Why not re-enact the crucifixion of Christ right here? Make it real for everyone. Trauma’s great for bonding a community together.”
“Who’s playing Jesus?” asked Maria, always one for a good laugh.
“That’s the thing- A Host, it doesn’t look much like flesh, right? Doesn’t look like much of anything, really. Not great for reinforcing one’s belief.
What if, instead, we- and I mean you, Maria, I can’t cook to save my life- make a man-sized loaf of bread, maybe in the shape of a T, and we have some of the boys dress up as romans and whip the bread and we pour the wine on so it’s bleeding and them- then we make a big wooden cross and actually nail the bread to it with, I don’t know, railroad spikes, more wine all over. And we raise the cross, all while telling the story of the crucifixion.”
He paused to take a drink, Maria slowly crumpling onto the floor in horrified laughter and Dad now thoroughly distracted from his homework.
“Then we lower the cross, and invite everyone who wants to take communion up to tear a hunk of Jesus off. Just descend into his corpse like vultures. I think that’d really be a good bonding experience for the church.” he nodded thoughtfully. “The hard, part, I suppose, will be finding enough romans.”
“I WANNA BE LONGINUS.” bellowed my father, barreling into the room.
And so, the plan was hatched. Dad hit up every other guy in the Church and eventually rounded up four more romans, three of them from the Education Department of Cal Poly, and one guy from Chemistry, who just liked to watch things burn.
This, being a play, naturally meant that there was a rehearsal, and test Bread jesus. Maria had decided that if they were going to start being extra-literal, she needed to make the most lifelike Bread jesus possible, and made a distressingly buff and human-proportioned Jesus by Advanced bread-braiding, complete with plaited hair, quail’s-egg-and-raisin eyes, bready muscle groups, and an eight-pack because why not make the lord completely shredded?* She also made the important theological decision that since Jesus loves everyone and was happy to die in spite of all his suffering, he should be smiling, and had a toothy corn-kernel smile. He was Wonderful and Terrifying all at once.
“Maria,” asked Father Patrick after a few minutes of delighted and horrified cooing over Jesus’ toothy grin and abdominals. “Why is he wearing a tea-towel?
“Well, he’s the Son of God. A Man. With all that entails.” She said, pointedly staring at Father Patrick while everyone stared at the suspiciously lumpy tea-towel. “And he might have… burnt, slightly.”
Everyone nodded and agreed that the tea-towel was the best course of action. The rehearsal goes splendidly and everyone agrees that this is the most delicious Jesus they’ve ever had.
*
Easter Sunday arrives and the Church is PACKED, from the more lapsed Catholics showing up for a high holiday, parents visiting for spring break and a whole horde of newcomers who had gotten wind that something was up and they ought to come.
Dad is a lanky as hell 21-year old composed mostly of technical jargon and acne but he is STOKED to be playing Longinus, the roman that speared Jesus on the cross, because he gets to do the BEST technical effect in the whole parade. Since he came in at the end me missed a good portion of the sermon, but did hear the “oooh” from the crowd as the massive cross was dragged in by the other Romans, followed by horrified gasps and high screams and a discernible “What the FUCK” as they brought in Bread Jesus 2.0, whipping him enthusiastically, and hammering him into the cross, the sound of wine splashing onto the floor loud in the terrified silence of that Parishioners.
Finally Father Patrick gets to the part about Longinus, and Dad comes sprinting down the aisle as hard as he can, because in order for Bread Jesus to be seen by everyone, his middle had to be about 10 feet off the ground, so Dad had to run, shrieking latin curses, down the length of the church, with a big honking spear and take a flying leap at Jesus in order to spear him in the gut.
Please take moment to imagine you are some normal god-fearing catholic who has decided to visit little bobby or maybe patricia at college and you’re all going to church together like a nice family and this Fucking madman has decided to go all Silence of the Lambs on mass and now there’s some sort of underfed translucently pale man in ill-fitting Roman armor and cape flying at a horrifying glutinous effigy of your lord and savior, with an actual fucking spear, screaming like a madman. Don’t you feel yourself drawing closer to God already? Defensively, perhaps, like an octopus trying to ooze itself into a crevice against the horrors of the ocean.
However, two things happen that were not planned on
1. Dad misses. In his defense, Bread Jesus is close to but not quite the size of a man- more like the size of a doughy teenager, and his middle is a small target 10 feet up in the air and dad is has a computer science minor, not an athletics scholarship. He misses by about 8 inches and instead very solidly stabs Bread Jesus right through the groin, leaving a big hole in Maria’s tea-towel and the spear jutting out at a decidedly… attentive angle, as Bread Jesus’s Bread Dick drops to the floor with a splat. Nobody notices this, however because
2. In rehearsal, Dad had managed to get the spear right in jesus’s navel but neither Father Patrick nor the other romans could get the wine up there to make his middle appropriately bloodied.
Maria come up with the Genius solution that since wine is made of grapes and Jam is made of grapes, she could make a jelly-filled Jesus for Dad to stab. There was a normal-sized test loaf and when dad stabbed it on the table, it had a nicely gooey dribbling effect.
However, this time the loaf was torso-sized, still hot from the oven and upright, so when dad speared the very end of the loaf, all the steam-pressured jam had collected at the bottom and a spray of lukewarm smuckers exploded out from bread jesus, turning the first three pews into a splash zone of symbolic entrails.
There was a hot, sticky minute of complete silence in the church after that.
Then, Father Patrick indicated it was time for the cross to be lowered, and continued on with the normal preparations of the Host, he himself covered in hot smuckers, as though nothing particularly ordinary was occuring, quietly kicking the bread-dick under the altar. At the end of it all, Father Patrick and invited everyone up with the Last Oration:
“Thou, O God, has kindly allowed us to have a part in this Holy Sacrifice; for this we give Thee thanks. Accept it now to Thy glory and be ever mindful of our weakness. Amen.”
…And everybody came up, shuffling like terrified zombies, pinching off tiny bits at first but then the madness took them and they began tearing apart bread jesus by the handful, weeping as they partook, scattered prayers and begging for forgiveness. The whole congregation was kneeling about the altar, tearful and united in their guilt and their need for God.
*
“IS CHURCH ALWAYS LIKE THAT?” six-year-old me asked, absolutely stoked. I’d convert on the spot if I got a show like that.
“No, it’s normally bland wafers and lots of chanting in latin.”
“Well that’s boring as hell.” I remember muttering and Dad snorting the coffee he was drinking out of his nose.
*
As people filed silently out of the Church to a gloriously sunny California afternoon, faces wan and smeared with wine and jam, Father patrick turned to Maria and asked “You don’t think that was too much, do you?”
“No.” Said Maria with a sarcastic deadpan so intense it was hard to tell from sincerity.
It was the exact same tone she used when the Archbishop and Six other high clergy showed up, clutching a letter someone had written, Livid and almost foaming at the mouth, demanding to know if such blasphemy had transpired.
“No. That’s crazy.” She said, staring down the archbishop like he was an idiot.
“Such imaginations some people have!” Said Father Patrick, much less convincingly.
“And you- you didn’t… Spear an effigy of our lord and savior?” the archbishop demanded of my father.
“Do I look like I can jump that high?” Dad asked, having in the interim been drafted for 51 days then nearly died of pneumonia from it, and therefore no longer afraid of the Church, the Law or God.
Somewhat relieved that he’d only received the extremely detailed ramblings of a doddering parishioner, the Archbishop sat down and complemented Maria on her most excellent Mexican Wedding Cookies, may he please have another plate for his nerves? Perhaps the ones with sprinkles?
Dad went on to help build the internet, Father Patrick converted to Buddhism and Maria became a Nun.
*For those of you wondering, Jesus was made of Challah.
If you got a laugh out of this, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Paypal, as telling stories on the internet is my only source of income right now. Thank you very much and I hope you enjoyed it!
My mother didn’t believe me when I said the reason her phone keeps displaying ads for dog car harnesses is because it eavesdrops on her spoken conversations.
“Watch this,” I said. “I want to buy a wetsuit. I need a wetsuit. Where can I get a wetsuit? Bring me a wetsuit. Wetsuit size small. Women’s wetsuits. Wetsuits for children. Wetsuits for dogs. Discount wetsuits. Hot single wetsuits in my area? Sexy wetsuits. Wetsuits for sale. Purchase me a wetsuit. We need to get a wetsuit. Spend money on a wetsuit! I want to get a wetsuit. Where did you get that wetsuit?”
Her phone is now advertising wetsuits.
Former web developer, AI/UI dev, and data analyst for various things (including targeted marketing on social media) here.
If you have accounts like Facebook and Google +/Gmail, or any app that requires permissions to read & write your surface settings, then this is why it happens. Your default settings for location and other permissions (mic and camera) are enabled for constant read-write.
What does this mean?
You can toggle your permissions for these apps for conditions like Never or While Using App. Keep in mind that if you have apps opened up in the background of your phone, then you’re technically using them. Make sure to close them out completely when you don’t want to use them.
But why?
When you have your location permissions enabled for apps, this data is collected and used for targeted marketing. Google is the biggest offender.
Example of how to stop active data collection
You can pause permissions on Google accounts:
You can toggle app settings for surface permissions off:
Friendly Reminder
The more you create accounts by using your Google or Facebook to login, the more active data collection you offer to these companies. Unfortunately, Facebook will never not offer you the chance to not have ads showing on your newsfeed. However, you can shut off channels of active data collection by signing up with an email address and a good ol’ password instead of using SSO (single sign on) with Google or Facebook.
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from “i can has”. Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they’re talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she’s been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
I love when aliens in star trek know obscure things about their own biology that doesnt seem like something someone would actually know about themselves like there are so many people who don’t know about the huge vein and artery running through each leg that is almost guaranteed to kill you if it got shot I highly doubt an alien would be able to tell you everything about themselves either
The only valid moments in star trek relating to xenobiology are when spock found out he had a nictating membrane and that time saru genuinely thought he was dying
we all like to shit on Spock for not knowing about his other eyelid but it’s not like any of us know what our appendix is for
my favorite part about spock making fun of humans for having an appendix is that there’s a very good chance he ALSO has an appendix and doesn’t know about it
Spock: lmao humans and their vestigial organs, the appendix is so illogical, illogic is built into humans, what losers, what victims of their own evolution
